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With all the pressures of our day-to-day living, it seems as though making the time to "make love" with our partners is becoming more and more difficult. But making the time for physical and emotional intimacy is an activity that might be better prioritized than making that weekly trip to Home Depot. Physical touch is as essential to the health of human beings as is eating, sleeping and breathing. Whether it’s touching for affection or for sexual expression, touch allows us to connect and communicate with each other in a profound way. It also allows us to nourish ourselves emotionally and physically, through the release of endorphins in our bodies that promote positive feelings about ourselves, and for each other.
Sexual intimacy allows the opportunity to give and to receive, and both of these activities are essential to the initiation of a sexual spark. Contrary to what might be popular belief, one partner must assume one of the roles in order for this to happen; both partners can't receive at the same time, and likewise, they can't give at the same time. Sexual multitasking seems like an ideal, but in fact, when attention is diverted between activities, it lessens the intensity of both, and, resultantly, the quality of the experience. Remember the expression, "jack of all trades..."? When we divide our attention, we never become a master, and our experiences are, at best, watered down. With a Mindful approach, we slow things down and learn to focus our attention solely on the activity at hand, responding to our partners while being fully present to our own internal experiences.
Approaching our sex lives and our intimate relationships mindfully, we have the opportunity to focus and be present for all of it. We have greater awareness of what our own needs are, and what thoughts may get in the way of our giving or receiving pleasure.
We also have greater awareness of the stories we may tell ourselves that get in the way of our pleasure. How we think about and relate to our own bodies can strongly affect our capacity to receive love and affection from our partners. No matter how much they may want to give to us, if we are telling ourselves that we are not worthy for whatever reason, we will create a barrier to receiving that love or pleasure. Often times, physical intimacy can evoke deep-seated negative thoughts about body image, or about vulnerability or abandonment. There can also be a sense of shame about the body, or feelings of guilt around receiving pleasure.
And, as we all know, how we might be relating to our partners will become a barrier to receiving pleasure from them or giving it to them. Any withheld resentments, anger, frustration, all translate in difficulty with giving and receiving the loving touch that we all need for our mental and emotional health.
When we approach love and sex mindfully, we can start to sift through the mental barriers that we can create to physical intimacy. By creating greater awareness of our internal processes, we can start to eliminate the negative thoughts that get in the way, and to open up our communication, to bring back trust and intimacy to the bedroom, both in ourselves, and in our partners. By being totally present and willing to question our own internal dialogues, we can deepen our connection with our partners, reintroduce the wonder of discovering each other, and heighten own capacity to experience pleasure. And couldn't we all use a little more of that?
At the Centre for Mindful Therapies, there are a number of options available for couples or individuals to learn mindfulness techniques for overcoming barriers to intimacy. Counseling sessions incorporating mindfulness techniques are available for couples or for individuals who want to expand their awareness, improve their ability to relate and to address issues of self-image which may be interfering with their capacity to give or receive pleasure. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction programs are available to teach the foundations of the Mindfulness practice in a group setting, which enable individuals to be more fully in the present with themselves and with others, and to develop the habit of conscious living.
To get more information on the programs we offer, please contact our office at 905 428-1404. |
